(Lydia [CC / Flickr])

How did I get here? I didn’t do anything. Really. Oh, I’m sorry nurse, of course that wasn’t what you asked. Force of habit. My wife…anyway, you want to know why I’m in Accident and Emergency at all.

What’s your name, by the way? It doesn’t seem right to keep calling you nurse. Cynthia? Lovely name. Suits you to a tee.

Ah. Yes. I can see you haven’t got all day. Other people waiting. Nice of you not to point it out. Yes, it is a nasty cut, isn’t it. Well to answer your question, I got here by taxi. Took me a while to persuade the cabbie I wouldn’t bleed all over…

Oh dear. Digressing again. Bad habit of mine.

Well I hadn’t done anything. Just watched her. Maybe followed her home once. Or twice. Just to see she’s safe. She’s a young thing. Needs someone to watch out for her, even if it’s just an old codger like me.

You don’t need to know about that? No, I suppose you don’t. Well, I’d been emailing her a bit. Not much. Perhaps two or three times a day. Not that she knows who I am.

She spends a lot of time online. Joins forums as often as I change my socks. Well, perhaps more often. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my shoes on.

No, she didn’t do it. She has no idea who I am. Of course I’ve never approached her. I’m not that sort. She thinks I’m a twenty-two year old athlete. Well, perhaps a few different ones. She’d notice if the same man appeared on all the same forums she does. There’s plenty of pictures of virile young men around. Clever invention, the internet.

Sorry, Cynthia. Digressing again.

Well there was no harm in it until my bladder got the better of me. Had to spend a penny, and didn’t think to close the email I was writing to her. In came my wife and there it was on the screen.

So that’s how I got here.

How exactly? Well, there was a vase of daffodils on the windowsill. She took the daffodils out and laid them down carefully. I had the sense to marry a tidy woman, you see. Then she threw the vase at me. Hence the cut. Stitches? Thought so.

You are very kind, Cynthia. You wouldn’t care to share your email address, would you?

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

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