IT Support

ITsupport

(darkday [CC / Flickr])

This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.

I know that confuses you, but this isn’t going to go the way you think it is. You’re not going to ream me out for – what is it I’m supposed to have done? Or not done?

Oh, that. He can fix his own computer. You do realise IT support’s way below my skill level, don’t you? I could be far more valuable to the company if you’d let me. Which you will, but we’ll get to that.

What you need to realise is that I made you the woman you are today.

Yes, me.

The geek in the corner you only notice when someone in a tie says I haven’t fixed their computer fast enough. Well, my corner has an internet connection. Do you know what someone with my skills can do on the internet?

I can find the woman of my dreams. I can give her everything she wants. It takes time, but I am patient. It starts with dating sites, you see. I can skim through Tinder and put the man you want right in front of you. You think you chose to swipe right all those years ago, and in a way you did. What else were you going to do when the man you saw was preselected for you?

By me.

Yes I know you married him eight years ago. It’s on his Facebook page. Not yours. You like your privacy, or the illusion of…

Tinder wasn’t active eight years ago? Well whatever dating app you were using. I can’t remember every detail.

You have no idea how many hints I had to put in his way before he gave you the two children you wanted. I’m sure he said he wanted them too. He probably believed it by the time I finished with him…you’re their step-mother?

His last marriage?

Are you sure?

OK, OK, of course you’d know, but you can’t bluff your way out of this. Ask yourself if it can be a coincidence that of all the departments of all the companies in this city, you were promoted to take over the one I ran the computers in.

Yes I do run the computers in here. I just don’t always bother fixing them. Given my close association with the department head – that’s you – I can expect a little leniency. I did get you the promotion after all. It was my hints that pushed the last guy to apply for another company just when you were a shoo-in as his replacement. A year earlier, you wouldn’t have had the experience. A year later, you’d look a bit stagnated and be passed over.

That’s something else you owe me.

Yes, you do owe me. I can prove it. I can.

Don’t talk to me like that. I can take it all away, and I will if you say ‘ridiculous’ again.

I will!

But it won’t come to that. You may not have known me before you started here. You may have hardly noticed me after you arrived. Not many do until they need me. But you owe me years of happiness. I think a little gratitude is in order, don’t you?

Ow!

What was that…a kiss is the least I expect…what?

Fired?

You can’t do that. I made you. I can…

OK, OK, you don’t need to call the police.

I’m going.

Quietly.

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

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