Blog Archives

The Prevaricator

Of course I believe in free speech! It’s an absolute right. Except…well, it shouldn’t offend anyone, should it? That’s not right. People should be respectful. If you say something that makes someone feel bad, there should be consequences. You can’t

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

The Anthropic Principle

I don’t care if you whine the word ‘please’ at me all day. I’m not going to help you. Not going to happen. You see, I’m real and you’re not. You want to know how I work that out? I

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

Not in Service

When a tube train has the words NOT IN SERVICE on the front, you’re not supposed to get on it. That’s why I got on it. Come on, it stopped and opened its doors right in front of me. They

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

An Essay on the Great Man

The first light of dawn gave the scion to a lost fortune his first look at the faces of his fellow refugees. As their features emerged from the night, he could make out features of many shapes and shades all

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

We Don’t Have Tsunamis in Dorset

Fatou saw Betty’s mobility scooter trundling along the sea front and stopped her car in the middle of the road. If anyone wanted to send a parking ticket to one of the last two people in Bournemouth, she’d argue about

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

Meredith the Moo

The fun of abuse lies in being immune from consequences. The key to immunity from consequences lies in anonymity. That’s why Paul closed his laptop with a bang when he looked up from tweeting that Meredith Palmer is a pig-ugly

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

Men of the Road

One foot in front of the other. Then the other. And the other. Ahead of the man, the road reached straight ahead to the horizon. Behind the man, a straight line of footprints in the dust bore testament to his

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

Last Summer on the Beach

Do you remember last summer? You fell asleep on the beach with your hand across your stomach. I’d gone for a swim and I didn’t want to wake you up so I stroked sunscreen all over you with my fingertips.

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

Inhale, Exhale

You inhale and you exhale. A breath in and a breath out. Listen to the rhythm of your life. You first inhaled in the same moment that you first had air to breathe. No one told you how to do

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle

Friendship’s Optimum

I’d like you to know that I’m a good friend. That you are in my thoughts at least three times a day. And also that – What was that? You haven’t heard from me since last year? I hadn’t realised

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Posted in Saturday Hooptedoodle
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